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Life is a strange journey.
I was debating since November to renew my subscription to LJ - thinking perhaps I would instead finally get G to help me with a website or to start using my wordpress site in a more “professional” way.. Plus I have started journaling behind the barn quite a bit in my paper journals (so i am getting my fix of ranting and venting and hoping without bending the ears of others. ) _
The only real reason to hang onto LJ is to read your posts - because I am very interested in your journals and it has been great following you all these years — but I also am aware that many of you can be found elsewhere with a google search so I can maintain my stalking curiosity and follow your successes :)
Who knows i might even attend a writing convention or workshop one day and I may approach you like I am approaching an old friend - simply because I have been following along for the last ten years or so and think i know you :)
But then again probably not only because I am incredibly shy most days and real life people scare the shit out of me. Anyway, i think you are all a very talented bunch - those of you who have already met with some success and those of you who are bound to find it just around the next corner.
Take care all. Keep writing.

Jan. 13th, 2017

Another late start - this new year isn’t quite going as i’d planned. But the walk with the dogs this morning was so nice. Cool but dry and the sun coming through the branches was quite awesome. i appreciate the rain but it is nice to see the sun again too :) one night it took G two and a half hours to get home because his route was down to one lane because of a mud slide. Horses are waiting for me so i have to get going but hoping on a little spurt of energy to get me out of this chair. We are planning on seeing La La Land this weekend. Looking forward to that. Planning on writing this afternoon once i get the barn chores done and animals exercised. And planning on starting my own exercise program again on Monday. It was a fun December but it wasn’t a very disciplined one and it has taking me half of January to even want to right it. I think i might have to start walking that hill again :) Have a nice weekend.

Jan. 11th, 2017

The rain had been unrelenting and big animal care when everything is so soggy is not fun. Plus, the horses can’t hear well when the rain is pounding so they get jumpy. I have a sizeable bruise on my right leg just above my knee. i was holding Bourbon for the farrier and Bourbon pulled her front leg from the farrier at one point and brought her hoof down hard on my leg. She didn’t mean too but ouch —-I think my bruises from horses have finally outnumbered my bruises from snow boarding. Anyway, there is a bit of a break in the weather so i have to get to the barn and get them out. but in other news - because of the rain i got some writing in -yay - and have read a bit -
On my ipad I’m reading Nutshell by Ian McEwan - i really like it. The paperback I’m reading (because i still have a stack to get through) or what i like to call my behind-the-barn-on-sunny-days book is The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, which I am also enjoying (and will keep enjoying if the sun ever returns) i just finished -Everything I never told you. I liked that too. I was impressed that she managed multi-POVs without separating them.
And well, Ian McEwan - is simply an amazing writer. . smart smart
And i see where M has The Cursed Child - that she has left behind here - so i sort of want to read that next. Either that or the Historian.
anyway, horses are waiting. take care.
G is in Los Vegas until Friday - so I am on drain clearing duty around here. My gosh it rained hard again and living on a mountain - well, has all that water running fast and gathering debris - so our drains get blocked quite quickly if we are not paying attention. But I believe today is suppose to have sunny periods.

Feeling pretty chirper. I wrote yesterday for a rather large chunk of it and had Banon out and she was cray cray - but pretty in her high stepping actions.
today i will take Bourbon out and throw that darn saddle on her — I’m still waiting on that english one - i should cancel but i’ll give them one more week.
I don’t quite know what my verdict is on 2016 — world wise it was quite tragic.. - and I’m sorry if i offend anyone but your new president elect is a fucking shit show. And he scares the bejesus out of me - but if by some magical transformation he actually ends up making a good president - than i will apologize and will be happy too — but I think i will remain a realist on this one.

On a personal level I think 2016 was a good year for me. I changed. Not by leaps or bounds or anything but i had let go of many insecurities that i had clung too. I had loved my farm and did not want to let it go - but after i did -- I realized that i had loved “me” at the farm. I finally felt i fit somewhere and once you realize you have that ability to fit than you can usually make other places fit too. Maybe even that writing place one day.
Sorry - unchecked thoughts this morning —- I just hope 2017 is a good year for everyone - and yes - even him. Because the percussions of him not having a good year ( and by that i mean a morally and honest one) will be disastrous.
Whew — visitors have left. M took the bus to LA to visit a friend. G went back to work and i am alone for the first time in weeks sipping coffee and enjoying the quiet. it was all good. Very fun. Highlights — New years Eve and the game playing, the museum of Modern Art, a few very sunny days at the ocean, and just lots of laughs all around. It will take me a few days to get my house back in shape but after that i am going to organize my life into more practical chunks of time. Right….

Another highlight is that my father in law sent me a silver bracelet with a four leaf clover charm on it - i just love it. It was so thoughtful of him. It
will help me finish my novel :)
He (my father in law) still wants to come to California for a visit. We are a little nervous about his health because he got very sick after his trip to Europe last fall but we’ll see. Hopefully. At 93 - it's still hard to keep him put for too long. Traveling is in his blood.

M was so great over the holidays - chauffeuring her cousins all around and doing drop offs and pick ups at the airport. She goes back to school on the seventh. And i have discovered the Caltrain over the holidays (which is like our Go train) so i feel i can get around more now (independently) when and if the need strikes me.
M had the book Milk and Honey (Rupi Kaur) on her bedside so I picked it up and read it last night. It was a very quick read and about 20% of it was very very good but honestly, i don’t understand the hype around it. But then again i may just be insanely jealous that writing can appear that effortless — but i did love

the thing about writing
is i can’t tell if it’s healing
or destroying me.

i guess i have always felt the same regarding writing.
Anyway, should get this day moving forward.
Well - I finally finished Infinite Jest. I started it in 2012. So, I'm not sure I ought to be too proud that it took me this long but I got er done :). I was thinking about giving it a five star rating because all said and done it is a unique and wonderful thing -- but i guess a five star book should never take a person four years to read :) So i gave it a four. :)
Okay this is the week I am going to pull it all together and get the house nice and festive. It rained hard here this week - which is good - but required some managing. Did a little shopping with M and we got a tree. It is a sad specimen but she’ll do. We couldn’t find a balsam - they don’t grow around these parts (i don’t think) - why a tree lover would do this to a tree year after year is something I do debate with myself. But we supported a local tree farmer (family owned since the 80s.) — and I think manufacturing fake trees is not good either. I mean we could toss this silly tradition or use a potted tree and plant him afterwards — but no - we went and cut the poor thing down, strapped her on our car and brought her home —
and truth be told the shavings alone I put in my horses’ stall every week probably equals a tree or two also. I hate doing that but for now it is what it is.
and all that wood i burnt when i was at the farm. I am the picture of hypocrisy in all things. I hope these redwood Gods will forgive me when i meet them in the afterlife. Wouldn’t that blow us all away - if our Gods have surrounded us all this time — and all this time we kept bulldozing them down —
okay - enough of that. I have to get to the barn soon. Two coffees into me and i am still not right. i had several dreams about my father last night. he was in good spirits. We were running this animal sanctuary. i got bit by a bear in my dream. My father helped me get the bear off my arm. I remember thinking - someone could have told me there was a bear on the grounds.
One daughter home at least for the holidays. G is off to NY today. I found my iPad - well M did. :) In my furry of cleaning before thanksgiving i managed to stick it in her closet and then shove clothing on it. The time i waste looking for shit i lost or misplaced i could write three novels. I'm not good at what i do. Other than that - planning on doing some baking with M and some shopping and some hanging about and getting the house festive for our coming guests. It is only the sixth but if i know me if i don't get a move on now i will be in a major panic by the last week again -

they found the body of our home town friend in the lake under the ice. His snowmobile went through. I still wonder why David would have taken a 50 km trip by himself but i guess it was the start of the season and he wanted to check his trap line? He was always a bigger than life character and my heart goes out to his three daughters and his ex wife. (who was also a friend in my late teens and early twenties) Her and her sister. Sad. He was also a hockey coach and his most often used quote was the same as my father's -- keep your chin up and your stick on the ice.

the last time i had seen him - G and I were home - and had taken a boat with some friends over to Bay Du Vin Island - and he and V had their boat there and invited us on it - I remember diving off the back of it with others _ I remember it being a very good day. That was probably 15 - 17 years ago? Damn, life is fast moving.

Okay, off to the barn. take care

Dec. 3rd, 2016

David is from my hometown. I knew him well but never seen him in years. I'm praying he is okay.

Wrote yesterday. And I will write this morning. It is very windy here and so G took the bigger vehicle into work in case of down trees and branches and stuff. So, he will throw some hay in for the horses on his way and tonight I will go down and clean stalls and whatnot. this means a free morning for me - although i have to get two parcels out soon and figure out the holidays a little bit more. But this morning I'm just writing because it felt so good yesterday to. But first Gatsby is asking for a walk. At least he is big enough to be my anchor if the wind picks up -- have a great weekend.



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